Blog #6

It was interesting to change the way you discussed and talked with someone.  I usually consider myself a pretty good listener, but it was interesting to focus on my listening skills in everyday conversation.  I try to pay attention in classes, but it was foreign to me to practice this skill when talking to my friend.
As teenagers we are assumed to not ever really listen or pay attention.  Our parents like to emphasize this point, but actually individuals of all ages need to further develop this skill.


The listening tools I used included asking about their past.  I tried to see how the different memories in their life shaped how they are today.  It's really interesting to hear how someone's past experiences form their personality, likes, and fears.  It really shows how different everyone is because all their life experiences are so unique, and our ability to remember certain times is really unique.  I also found it interesting to ask their opinions on certain issues and seeing how we agreed and disagreed.  To open one's mind to other opinions is a difficult but a one of a kind experience.  To truly try to feel what it would be like to be in the other individual's shoes is impossible but certainly is revealing if you try.  I'm not used to mirroring individuals in conversation.  I usually just point out their feelings or actions, so actually confirming their feelings and actions was odd to me.  When confirming their feelings it really ensured that we were on the same page and confirmed to them that I was paying attention and truly understood them.  When we didn't agree and I misinterpreted their feelings, this was a good time to clarify and make different observations.  As for guessing at a problem, I usually do that when trying to understand how they are feeling when they are having difficulty or do not want to articulate the issue they are having. 

I learned that you can pick up more subtle hints when being an active listener.  It is also easier to understand where the individual is coming from when you don't just agree but instead question their thought.  I find that sometime people just converse with others to vent to the other individual and just find themselves nodding in agreement as the other shares their stories.  In my opinion, it is better for both parties when each individual is an active speaker and listener.  I learned how by asking about why the person did or thought a certain way.  This allows you as well as them to contemplate their actions which leads to really interesting thought and discussion.  You really can get to know a person more if you take the time to pay attention to how they answer questions and tell stories.  It makes your conversation more personable and meaningful when you develop your listening skills.  I certainly didn't think this would change my outlook on conversations, but it definitely changed how i approach the opportunity to listen to others.

I believe that I did a good job of asking questions.  I really wanted to know why they thought/did certain things.  I also adjusted and made the conversation more unique by leading on to different tangents of thought.
I definitely could have done a better job paraphrasing and mirroring.  I tend to just ask why.  I should instead pay more attention to their actions and emotional response.  I find that I don't usually confirm the other individuals’ thoughts I instead like to ask questions.  This might make me appear less supportive and accepting and maybe more skeptical.  Overall, this was a very interesting exercise and challenged me to listen more intensely and I hope to continue!